Archive for the ‘#Fail’ Category

I tried…

Posted: April 17, 2011 in #Fail, Gat DAMMMM :-p

…so I’m leavin my white breezy crib Labor Day. Been SmuttinxSippin all morning. Beautiful day out,  her parents were comin thru to visit so I ducked out. Told her I’d fall thru later on. So I hops in the whip to hit da gym and waste time etc. Leave out da garage bumpin the WiZ this song to be exact!  This breezy walks past and she starts noddin her head and singin da lyrics.

Convo goes:

Her: “What you know bout that”

Me :“What?!?!, I’m from the Burgh this wat we do!”

Her:  *chuckles and smiles*

Me: “So what’s up you ridin”

Her: “Aight”

Me: *Wiz laugh*

So she hops in the whip. Im like what’s up you tryna grab a drink or whatever. She like I’m down for whatever! So we cruise to the lil spot wit all da bars and what not. Hops up out the whip and start walkin, then I peeped her and thought to myself oh shit “I’d hit THIS”. She was bout 5’9 135 wit some DoubleEEs NO LIE. She was butt in the face tho keepin it 100. So im like you kno what fuck it, if you got time we myswell just hit my spot and get a bottle. She like cool. So we cops da bottle sit on my balcony and gets right. We start choppin it up and I was “wet” so I start over talkin myself out da pussy. But I did have her in my room and I start rubbin on these big ass tits I said lemme feel em,  lemme see em lmao. It was a must I licked the nipples! Silver dollars my G! After we chopped it up she like “you know what? I got a friend for you!”. Im like WORD. So  I hops on da phone wit her talks dat swag shit tells her to come thru.

Ol girl comes thru bout a hour later. We hits da grocery store. I cook some fish and spaghetti grabs another bottle(bottle #2) of liq to keep da party crackin. So I got da Wiz bumpin, food goin, liqs poured its lookin beautiful. These lil hoes was like 21-22 they aint have shit to do. N!gga like me had to work in the morn but @ this point I aint give 2 fxcks!!!

We all faded fxckin round da speezy

 and what not. So ol girl pulls me in the bedroom. She like 5’3 125lbs nice lil donk too short hair real sexy tatted up and a smart ass mouth think ..Keyshia Cole (n!ggas whove seen my emails know iont lie). So we in the bed room got the music goin Everything Workin! So we start kissin, rubbin, touchin etc. Meanwhile im thinkin yo is your girl aight she just out there chillin on da phone n what not. She like “she cool” So I take her pants off…she says out the blue. “I got a kid!” Nigga like me jumps up like WTF?!?! Don’t ask me why? I was faded tho, so that kinna ruins da moment. But I told her my bad I was trippin or whatever. So we gets back into it. Im suckin on tits and fingerin her then I went deep sea divin I wont even front this lil bitch was fine! So while im blessin her I think to myself….there’s another her b!tch in my livin room! So I say…

007: “Why’ont you call your friend in here” …

Her: “WTF, this nigga is trippin girl we OUT”

I’m sayin tho!!!I never had a 3some! What would you have done???

…oh well on to da next one


“…If not!?!”

Posted: April 7, 2011 in #Fail, Finish HIM!

…so I have finally made out of the city I was raised in and am now located in a bigger and better city. So I’m here with no family just me, money, car and a fly spot. Also the year before this was hell so this was a major transition for me, the boy swag was all the way turned up.  I hadn’t hit the streets yet and I didn’t know anyone in this city outside of my coworkers, which was a good thing because I figured id play it low and be a good guy since I did have a GF @ the time. I had transferred to this new office and its about 6-8 floors of new breezy’s, but the quality wasn’t particularly up to my standards per se’. But you know the KiD stay on da prowl! I spot this one nice joint. Now ima sucker for any famous/infamous chick. Ol girl resembled Pinky whom I made love to many a night by myself lol. She was 5’0 bout 135 same exact body type big phat @$$ even had the red hair! So I would see her round the office and stay peepin her. Shortly that turned into “Hi my name is…”. Which then turns in to emails and IM’s. This all cracked off on a Wed. By Friday evening she’s on the way to the speezy #WIN. Now the crazy part here I am not even fully situated in the spot I had only been there 2 weeks and already got a breezy over WTF? So I hook up a lil meal and you know the bottles always stay on deck! Shes sippin the wine and we watched “Boomerang” normally my go to movie for the women. The thing I didn’t like tho she came over on some sweat pants shit! C’mon baby we grown you better put that shit on to come see me I don’t care if you worked all day or not, but I digress. So after she getting her lil buzz on, she asks what I am drinkin and she asks could she have some of mine. So meanwhile im so happy that in 2 weeks I already got a fine ass woman in the spot, imagine what this life is gonna be like. The whole time Im knockin back drink after drink not realizing im getting f*cked UP! So she sips some of the Rum and then it just turned into us takin shots etc. Now the room is dam near spinnin. We end up in the bedroom and you can figure what happens. We begin to kiss and the clothes are being removed. Its goin down! She tops the boy off something serious. The whole time im thinking yo im finally about to f^ck PINKY! So I throw the rub on, turn that phat a$$ around to smash from the back. Man I musta lasted a whole 2 mins max! She took the kid out the game immediately. I was dumb embarrsed because the whole plan was to knock her ass down and my mans didnt represent. After that I pass out and wake up ol girl pulled the disappearing act on me :-(.

So a few days later, I holla at her like man I apologize I was extremely faded and that will never happen again. So after about 5 days I convince her to gimme the round 2. During the course of days I saved “up” and made sure I would be right! This time I only sipped one drink, even tapped the blizzy a few times just to make sure we showed up to the game this time ya dig? So she comes thru everything workin out. Session jumped off. Get it from the back again. I start feelin that FEELING asap “Oh NO”. This sh!t done happened again! I may have lasted 5 mins this time! GAME OVER! Not once but TWICE!!!

 The b!tch told me “I only give 2 strikes”

 Needless to say I never saw her again…

“…Gotta hit the spot, if not !?! don’t test the poom poom
nanny nanny, punanny donny, heyyy!”-Kimberly

Oh well…On to da next one…